Brain Overload

Ok, so it is 10:45pm, I am wound up due to a brain that sometimes doesn't shut off. I worked with Colton today on a project that was way overdue from 4:30-9:00pm straight. So perhaps I am just tired and grumpy. Then, I was just on the phone to Mike, only wrote my first blog on him a day ago and well what do you know . . . I am irritated with him, my perfect man is not so perfect! Well . . . ok so he is totally great and almost percect - did I mention that we have a very "real" relationship as well :-) There isn't much tiptoeing around . . . when you have been divorced and messed up already, you don't want to go there again. So, you try very hard to be real . . . maybe too real, constantly testing (on my end that is). The more often I am irritated with life in general, I realize it is much more about me than anyone or anything else. Mike says I have high expectations and that I also put those on the people around me . . . he is right and I think at this moment I realize it comes from fear . . . my own controlling issues and fears. Boy that sucks. I so much want things to work out, in all areas . . . with my kids, with my job, with mike, with extended family, with the kids and their dad, etc. etc. Sometimes I just need to let it go, some of it is in my circle of control, some of it is not. Another interesting thing about this is that God is really in control of all of these situations . . . NOT ME! Perhaps if I would just take my own hands off and let Him do His part . . . then I could stop messing it up!!

So, sorry for the rantings, I did say originally that this could be therapy for me . . . hopefully you wont need therapy after reading it!

Proverbs 16:9 says "we can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps".

Love you all.

Mike and Me . . .

Well . . . this is Michael . . . the guy in my life. Isn't he cute!! Mike is a former baptist pastor and is currently working for Canada Revenue and in school part time to become a Funeral Director/Embalmer. He has 2 daughters, Meghan(12) and Sydney(9). He is also Madison and Sydney's soccer coach and doing a really great job with the U10 girls team.

So . . . what do I like about Mike? Well . . . he loves God, he is funny (or at least thinks he is pretty funny), he adores his girls, he is really great with my kids, and he thinks I am totally hot! To be interested in a complicated/strong chick like me is pretty cool . . . He is confident in who he is and I like that cause it helps him handle me really well - which is not an easy task! Oh, he is a Star Trek nut - I know, kinda wierd but I am a black gospel nut and he doesnt understand that :-) We have decided to start journeying together and just see what happens . . . you never know until you try. I will continue to blog on the happenings of the Mike and Vanessa story and also write more about his girls later. Ciao for now my friends!

Go OILERS Go!!

Yes, it has been pure FANdamonium around the City of Edmonton. Even I cannot help but jump on the Oilers bandwagon and put a car flag on my vehicle. If you drive through the city you will see hundreds, if not thousands of flags on the cars, flags in peoples windows, Oilers jerseys on every other person and as you can see . . . the kids have definately caught on too! Sorry to all of our Toronto Leafs friends :-) Only moments ago we become the conference champions and we are on our way to the Stanley Cup!! This is very exciting for us and all I can say now is . . . GO OILERS GO!

Life in the Blender

I just finished reading Sandi Patti's new book called "Life in the Blender". My personality is that of a realist - so the more realistic I can be about the future - in my mind - the better. I will read all I can find on the topic, so right now I am trying to read as much as I can on "blended families" as the reality of my life could one day be part of a blended family. As many of you know, Sandi Patti has been through the ringer on many levels over the years, some due to her own poor choices and some because of being a public figure. Well . . . I think I love her more today after finishing her book than ever. "Life in the Blender" is a very real, candid, funny, and hopeful book about her journey into the blended family - you will laugh, you will cry and it will challenge you to take a good look at your own situation whether it is a blended family, an overly busy schedule or just our every day balancing act of being a mom and a having a job. Yet, throughout the book, the underlying theme is that of grace (God's grace that is), and that a life that has been damaged by mistakes, hurts, failures, or circumstances, can be fully restored and go on to fulfill the destiny that God has called them to.

I believe that the future for my own family (Colton, Levi, Madison and myself) is one of great destiny and that our circumstances will not determine the amazing plan God has for each one of us or inhibit us in anyway. Thank you Sandi for sharing such a great story.

Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Auntie Vanessa, Michelle and Caleb

This past long weekend, the kids and Mike and I all headed out to Mayerthorpe to visit family and attend my great-nephew's FIRST birthday. Friday night we stayed at Paul and Melisa's place and the kids hung out with their cousins, we BBQ'd and had a nice visit. Saturday we slept in, drank coffee, lazed around and then got ready to head to Whitecourt for Caleb's b'day party. Caleb is the first baby for Michelle and Kelly Leighton (the daughter of Brad's brother Owen). There were a bunch of people there from Michelle's side and Kelly's side, grandmas, grandpas, aunties and uncles, cousins and friends. It was loud, energized and fun! Caleb was definately the star of the day and the oilers t-shirt we got him looked completely adorable with his diaper bum and very lovable legs! The kids favorite part of the whole event was Caleb pushing his cake off the highchair onto the floor - SPLAT!! We love our time with the Sim clan, it is always relaxing and just a nice time being away from the city - circumstances have changed for me but the Sims will ALWAYS be family - I LOVE YOU ALL!!

Dating again . . .

Ok, time for me to be a bit vulnerable - YIKES! So, I have been on my own now with the kids for 3 years, that is really hard to believe in itself. I was with Brad for 16 years (11 married), and that is pretty much all I had ever known. To start dating again is a very strange thing indeed. First off, I am a completely different person now than what I was when I was 17. Secondly, did I mention I have THREE kids!!! . . . . and lastly, who would of thought at age 34 I wouldn't have a clue how to date! The interesting thing is, it looks very different . . . it is much more real, it is more fun than expected and it is just plain good to know that I've still "got it"! Is it scary - DEFINATELY . . . however, I have come to realize that at some point you just have to try. God brings people in our path to teach us lessons about ourselves, to see how far we have come on this journey, to show us how far we have to go and to walk it with us. In order to keep you all interested, I will post a picture of "the guy" on a later blog and tell you more about him . . . keep checking in!!

Mini DIVA . . .

need I say more!

Oooops, almost forgot CHLOE . . .

I mentioned in an earlier blog that we also had a bunny. She has been slightly offended that she has not had her own blog yet like everyone else. My sincere apologies Chloe, you are the cutest bunny! Chloe arrived Easter of 2005, she was 8 weeks old and it was totally love at first sight. My friend Sandy and I were in Red Deer having a girls day and we just thought we would stop at the pet store - we didn't expect to be coming home from there with a bunny in tow. She is a mini-lop, and yes she prefers you to say mini as she is slighly sensitive about her weight. She has the biggest "thumper" feet you have ever seen and can be a bit spicey in personality (that is perhaps why she fits so well with the rest of us). She has attempted to attack Mika in the last day or so as she was trying to remind the cat of who was here first. She will come around soon enough as she is loved and cared for very much - we think she is totally the cutest and sweetest bunny.

Mom's Day

So . . . Sunday morning I am awakened to the cutest smile looking at me with a tray of food in his hands. Levi had gotten up extra early to make me breakfast in bed. On the menu was cereal with fresh cut strawberries on top, wholegrain toast, orange slices, milk and fresh flowers - boy does this kid know how to treat a woman! I told Levi to go and get himself some breaky so we could eat together. Within minutes, Colton, Levi and Madison were all in bed with me enjoying breakfast. I opened cards, read the poems they wrote, got flowers and lots of hugs and kisses, it was a very special morning. We decided to not rush out to church, threw in a movie and hung out in my bed for the morning together. We laughed, cuddled, and talked. It makes me tear up to just think of how beautiful they all are. Colton, Levi and Madison . . . I thank you for giving me reason to get up each morning, thank you for being quick to forgive me when I mess up, thank you for kissing me goodbye when you leave for school in the morning, and thank you for being the best kids that any mom could ask for - I am the most blessed mommy in the world!

HIS Plan IS Good!

I was reflecting on my favorite scripture once again this morning. I love how Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message . . . "I know what I am doing, I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11

I have held on to this promise, God totally does know what He is doing, even when we mess up our lives, when things don't turn out the way we ever imagined them to, the future is still one of hope, one of promise and one of joy!

Miss Madison

Madison Lee . . . my baby girl. She giggles alot, yells alot, and as I have had to tell her on more than one occassion, there is room in this house for only ONE Drama Queen and that would be ME! Madison is taking piano this year from Grandma Iris and according to grandma, "she's a natural". Madi also started soccer this year and has been doing really well, she is a very strong runner and a good athelete. Madison has a group of good friends, we keep trying to minimize the birthday parties but that seems to be proving difficult, oh well, these years go so fast that I should be happy to let her share them with all her girlfriends (there is a boy or two in the picture as well . . . shhhhh, I'm not suppose to know :-) Having 3 children so close together definately adds "dynamics" to our little family, but I wouldnt change that for anything. Madison is a very efficient girl, she can organize her room and mine for that matter like it's no one's business, she does well at school and Math is her favorite subject (that she definately doesnt get from me!) Madison brings our family much joy and laughter and I am so enjoying watching her grow into a beautiful young lady, inside and out.

*Picture left to right: cousins Monique and Victoria, Madison, and friend Sydney at our church Princess Party in February 2006.

Lee, Levi or Levinder!

Any one of those 3 names you may hear me call my little Levi - who is definately not so little. Levi is in Grade 5 (almost done) but is definately a pre-teen in every sense of the word. He usually says things like "taco" (translation: thank you), "dis", "sweet", "skill" and some kind of gibberish the kids talk . . . pretty much it's strange. He is an A student, an excellent artist, an strong athelete and good at whatever he sets out to do. For those of you who have an "above-average" child in the family - with that, there needs to be great wisdom from the parent raising that child, there is lots of emotion, the highs and the lows and great complexity. Levi is very responsible, a hard worker and can be counted on as our peace maker (the middle child). As all the children have their strengths, Levi would be the first one to come and kiss me good morning and need a cuddle (he will be sooooo embarrased if he reads this), he would also be the one to provoke Madi to a screaming and crying episode cause well . . . he was looking at her the wrong way or something. So, that is my little Levi - I am so blessed to have a boy like him in our family.

PS: the pic is from Crazy Hair Day at their school last week

Colton

Colton recently turned 12 - he is really a great kid. (thanks to his friend Brandon for the crazy nerd glasses) When you get to know Colton, you will find that he is genuinely funny, and doesn't mean to be, you know one of those people that says funny things but not intentionally. He makes us all laugh, he is easy going and an easy kid to parent. School would not be his favorite thing in the world but if you need help with anything, like setting up the stage for a drama, rearranging the classroom desks after school, or helping grandpa in the yard . . . he would be the guy. I am so proud to have him as my son, he brings much laughter to our family. And I swear if he watches Lord of the Rings 1, 2 or 3, one more time, he is TOTALLY grounded!! :-)

The Easter Weekend Surprise

Well . . . I figured there wasnt quite enough craziness at the Sim house, so . . . I decided to surprise the kids by bringing home a cat for Easter weekend (it was also Madi's and Colton's birthday). Since I would adopt from the SPCA, I needed to have the children along as they want to interview the family. I brought along the boys to help choose a cat and left Madison at a party, hoping they would still let us adopt without her there. Ryan and Jessica joined us for the adventure and after some contemplation, we picked one, her name at the SPCA was Sharon. We got into the adoption room and we were interrigated for about 30 minutes by a lady who knew every "trick of the trade" about training cats. Finally . . . they brought her in . . . she looked at us with those gorgeous amber eyes, jumped up on Levi's lap and well . . . at that point all you could hear was awwwwww . . . and that was the end of that. MIKA, (her new name) is now part of the Sim clan, her God Parents are of course Ryan and Jessica, and she is loved very much. We think she is very smart, above average of course, and we look forward to when Mika and Chloe (our bunny) will become friends - yes we have a bunny too! Thanks Ryan and Jessica for making the day so fun and special for us. Oh . . . about 1/2 hour after we brought Mika home, Madison put her hands on her cheeks and said "Mom, I just can't stop smiling!" Now that is definately worth an awwwwwww.

Let us begin . . .

Well, we begin the blog journey. I hope this blog to be candid, fun, and helps in keeping our family and friends a bit more updated on the lives of the 4 sims. Colton, Levi, Madison and me (Vanessa)! This picture was taken at our good friends, the Belziles, September 2005 - the kids and I enjoyed a weekend getaway - we had a great time and the kids definately have more stamina than I when it came to the hiking at Maligne Canyon. The kids said, "come on mom, you can do it" and all I wanted to do was lay down and tell them to have me air-lifted out! However, I did make it out and was truly hoping the whole experience would be incentive for some serious lifestyle changes. Hmmmm, how about we just go there in another blog, another time. :-) Ciao for now.