Growing Up, Letting Go

As I have already plastered on Facebook my eldest son Colton, who is 17 going into Grade 12, is moving to Ontario to be with his dad and stepmom.  I have been having a really hard time with this decision and I guess it's for a variety of reasons.   I guess its because i am giving up "control" or the illusion of control. I want him to finish Grade 12 with me (Ive earned it right!).  I'm not ready to see our family of seven get smaller.  His growing up has gone too quickly and I am sure it isnt time to let go yet!  There are more things I want to do and say.  How can he leave me?  Will he be safe?  Who will love him as much as I do?  Who knows him like I do?  Will he make new friends?  Will people be nice to him at a new school?  Will he ever come home again?  What will our family be like without him here?

As I was sharing this with Pastor Lorne he so insightfully reminded me of the Father of the Prodigal Son.  Yes, this past year Colton to some extend has been our prodigal.  The part of this story that we most often focus on is the sons return and the fathers open arms to him.  What I was reminded of was the Father also let him go.  The Father did not beg him to stay, he gave his son what he asked for and released him.  The Father knew that this was most likely not the wisest decision his son could make . . . but he let him go.  So for me, like the Father in this story, I need to say goodbye and let go well, so that if he decides down the road, I can accept him back well. 

Where does God and Coltons shaky relationship with God lie.  Well, God is in Oakville.  I am reminded of that too.  He is with Colton here and He will be with Colton there.  When I decicated Colton on Sunday, June 19, 1994 . . . I gave him to God, and accepted that he was a gift to me, borrowed.  I promised to care for him and love him and teach him about God . . .  I have done that  . . now I release him . . . and I want to do that well.  In the privacy of my room and perhaps in conversations with friends I will kick and scream some, but I trust God is in control and He loves Colton even more than I ever could . . . so that must be a whole lot of love. 

I love you Colton, I look forward to a new kind of relationship with you.  I absolutely love being your mom.  You have been a pleasure (for the most part :) to parent!  You have the greatest smile!  And if you dont text and skype - you are grounded!!

TRUE

If you can start the day without caffeine.


If you can get going without pep pills.


If you can always be cheerful ignoring aches and pains.


If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.


If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it.

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when through no fault of yours something goes wrong.

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment.

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him.

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend.

If you can face the world without lies and deceit.

If you can conquer tension without medical help.

If you can relax without liquor.

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs.

.....Then you are probably the family dog!

Where to start . . . again.

Its been a year and a half since I blogged last - wow - i cant believe that much time could have possible gone by - where did it go?  So i really cant go back that far i guess i will have to start from now. 

Sunday, May 15, 2011.  Today . . . was a good day.  There havent been too many good days the last while - lots of stuff going on - i will blog maybe soon on all of that.  The day started out with leading worship at The Park Church this morning - it had been a long time - about 9 months since i last led - and you know - it went ok, i mean - God did his thing, we did our thing, and it seemed to work . . . i love that.  Then we got to have a fun lunch at Rosie's with some friends - yummy cafe style turkey dinner with banana cream pie for dessert . . . mmmmmmm.  Then I was off to game 4 of madi's weekend soccer tournament and mike was off to day 2 of 4 for sydneys dance competition.  then home for a nice sunday family dinner - minus colton - he works :) 

So i am not sure why i am writing this but to say in the midst of lifes chaos - in the midst of 5 teens and some days they all make me crazy - in the midst of a house that needs some tlc and a mom who needs some sleep (like a 12 hour sleep) . . . it was a good day.  the sun shone, the wind gusted, my kids gave me attitude and my kids gave me hugs, we had some good food on the table, i had some time to read . . . ya, it was a good day :)