Growing Up, Letting Go

As I have already plastered on Facebook my eldest son Colton, who is 17 going into Grade 12, is moving to Ontario to be with his dad and stepmom.  I have been having a really hard time with this decision and I guess it's for a variety of reasons.   I guess its because i am giving up "control" or the illusion of control. I want him to finish Grade 12 with me (Ive earned it right!).  I'm not ready to see our family of seven get smaller.  His growing up has gone too quickly and I am sure it isnt time to let go yet!  There are more things I want to do and say.  How can he leave me?  Will he be safe?  Who will love him as much as I do?  Who knows him like I do?  Will he make new friends?  Will people be nice to him at a new school?  Will he ever come home again?  What will our family be like without him here?

As I was sharing this with Pastor Lorne he so insightfully reminded me of the Father of the Prodigal Son.  Yes, this past year Colton to some extend has been our prodigal.  The part of this story that we most often focus on is the sons return and the fathers open arms to him.  What I was reminded of was the Father also let him go.  The Father did not beg him to stay, he gave his son what he asked for and released him.  The Father knew that this was most likely not the wisest decision his son could make . . . but he let him go.  So for me, like the Father in this story, I need to say goodbye and let go well, so that if he decides down the road, I can accept him back well. 

Where does God and Coltons shaky relationship with God lie.  Well, God is in Oakville.  I am reminded of that too.  He is with Colton here and He will be with Colton there.  When I decicated Colton on Sunday, June 19, 1994 . . . I gave him to God, and accepted that he was a gift to me, borrowed.  I promised to care for him and love him and teach him about God . . .  I have done that  . . now I release him . . . and I want to do that well.  In the privacy of my room and perhaps in conversations with friends I will kick and scream some, but I trust God is in control and He loves Colton even more than I ever could . . . so that must be a whole lot of love. 

I love you Colton, I look forward to a new kind of relationship with you.  I absolutely love being your mom.  You have been a pleasure (for the most part :) to parent!  You have the greatest smile!  And if you dont text and skype - you are grounded!!